The Idiot’s Guide to the USA – Travel, by Air and Road

The Idiot's Guide to the USAOn entering the country
– customs is very strict, and involves taking all ten fingerprints and a picture
– quarantine is very lax, and is barely mentioned

On exiting the country
– they don’t care
– there’s no customs to clear

On domestic security
– this is far stricter than international security in the rest of the world
– photo ID, along with a boarding pass, is required before even entering the terminal
– all shoes must be removed to clear security
– women in skirts must pass through a small tubular pod to be scanned
– it is unknown whether the same applies to men in kilts

On baggage
– checked-in luggage must be paid for, as it is not included in the air fare
– a suitcase, a normal carry-on bag, and a personal item may be taken onto the aeroplane as “carry-on luggage”
– even if Air New Zealand says that one cannot have carry-on luggage in excess of seven kilos
– however, when the plain is completely full and there isn’t enough room for everyone’s “carry-on” luggage because they have all brought suitcases, resulting in the suitcases of later boarders being confiscated and checked in, you can point an laugh because you brought Air New Zealand-sized carry-on luggage

On food
– this is not complimentary
– it is wise to eat before flying, as any in-flight food must be paid for in-flight

On travelled with children, or with a disability
– you must bay $31 to board early
– however, military officers in uniform can board early without paying

On turbulents
– Americans will put the seat-belt sign on at the slightest breeze, regardless of the fact that you crossed the Pacific in a thunderstorm two days previously

On familiar airlines
– you will get really excited when you see an aeroplane with the logo of QANTAS, Virgin Pacific, and even Air New Zealand or British Airways

On road names
– major roads do no have them
– instead, they are labelled by means of an alpha-numeric system designed solely to confuse you

On major roads
– they have numbers rather than names
– they are usually bridges over a city

On naming towns
– you should refer to them by the name and the state
– everyone else does
– there are some really strange town names
– however, there are also lots of double-, triple-, and vigintuple-ups of names

On freeways
– these can be up to six lanes across in just one direction!!!!

On car types
– brands such as Chevrolet, Cadillac, and Corvette, actually exist here
– however, tray-top utes do not
– the other sort of ute, which do exist in America, are referred to as “pick-up trucks”

On car signage
– number plates of often only on the back, and rarely on the front
– indicators are red at the back and orange at the front, but never yellow


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